“I joined the Shame to Resilience Workshop because I was having a really difficult time communicating with my wife in our betrayal trauma recovery. I kept showing up defensive, dismissive, and just wasn't able to even physically sit in difficult conversations without my body reacting to the immense feelings of shame, guilt, and discomfort. I came to the workshop at a point where our relationship was very broken, and something needed to change. This workshop has helped me identify where shame exists for me - how my body experiences it, how I show up "as it", and most importantly, has given me tools to combat my shame spirals. I had no idea I was shame spiraling as often as I was. I thought I was just expressing myself authentically, but my wife's experience was always different from my own reality. I can now sit my discomfort and just listen to my wife without reacting (I still need tons of practice). And, overall. I just feel better equipped to face my relational recovery with the tools and information this workshop has given me. If you are a guy that struggles with anything I just mentioned, please don't hesitate and sign up for this workshop. You will get something out of it, and in the process will help yourself and help your relationship along the path to recovery.”

— PR

Betrayed Partner Testimonial

My partner originally indicated he had dealt with his shame in therapy decades ago and was reluctant to acknowledge any shame in his life today and dismissive of any possibility of shame driving his behavior today.  He agreed to take your class because I asked him to.  After the first several sessions, he said very little and what he said was critical, (of unimportant things).  Then he started to say he could see some value in it.  Then a few more weeks passed and he said he was now aware he had not dealt with his shame.  And as the class ended he said, he is rethinking conclusions about his life that he had come to years ago and that he would share those with me later.  After the first ongoing session, he acknowledged something to me he has never been able to own before easily and casually.

Thank you.  It has been wonderful to not deal with the constant hair trigger denials of shame and the walls to owning his behavior.

-B. (Betrayed Partner)

“Thanks so much for putting together this workshop and for hosting the group. When I saw Duane's presentation on the Shame Compass at the Betrayal Healing Conference earlier this year, I knew that shame was the key barrier to taking the next step in recovery and in healing the injury to my marriage.

The Shame to Resilience course has been a huge step forward for me in my own journey and in my relationship. The foundation that Duane and Eric set with grounding and awareness was critical for the perspective work that came later. Being able to realize and really see my wife's perspective, and recognizing that I can do that perspective work even when I still have my own recovery work to do, was eye-opening. I shared my insights with my wife, and we had one of the most constructive conversations we have had since disclosure two and half years ago.

I still have shame and triggers, and my wife and I still have hard conversations, but this work is real progress in my recovery. Sharing those struggles and that growth with the group of men who are walking through this course with me has been connecting and refreshing, even when it has been difficult.

This course has meant a lot to me, and to my wife. I truly appreciate everything that you have given the group these last several few months.”

— BPC

I attend SPAA meetings and I share that I'm taking a shame to resilience course from Eric & Duane Osterlind. I can’t thank you and Duane enough for making this course available to me, and to the other people that are in need of this information on how to deal with the shame that we all feel regarding our behavior.

ok, onto the questions on the workshop.... I reached out to Duane to take this workshop. 2 or 3 months ago, I was drowning in an ocean of my shame, because I betrayed my partner. I was in a very dark place. Empathy can’t live if shame is present. Shame, is only thinking of how I feel, not thinking about how my partner feels.

Those two sentences really resonated with me. I still experience shame, however, no where near the level i was at before. Now I am shifting more towards guilt. Before, it was all shame. I have shared that I'm taking this workshop in most of my SPAA meetings. I have shared my experience with my sponsor and my therapist. I still have quite a distance to go, but I now have the tools to move forward and leave the shame I've felt about myself for 40+ years behind me.

Thanks to Duane and Eric.

I will always be eternally grateful to you guys for making it possible for me to take this course.

-H

Betrayed Partner Testimonial

My partner originally indicated he had dealt with his shame in therapy decades ago and was reluctant to acknowledge any shame in his life today and dismissive of any possibility of shame driving his behavior today.  He agreed to take your class because I asked him to.  After the first several sessions, he said very little and what he said was critical, (of unimportant things).  Then he started to say he could see some value in it.  Then a few more weeks passed and he said he was now aware he had not dealt with his shame.  And as the class ended he said, he is rethinking conclusions about his life that he had come to years ago and that he would share those with me later.  After the first ongoing session, he acknowledged something to me he has never been able to own before easily and casually.

Thank you.  It has been wonderful to not deal with the constant hair trigger denials of shame and the walls to owning his behavior.

-B. (Betrayed Partner)